Jan 10, 2020

38. Lies begin

That night, Guo Zhi sat on the bed, he printed all the photos he had taken recently, and spread them on the bed.  Carefully sort through all the photos and put them in an envelope, take a pen and write Shi Xi's name while lying on his stomach and swinging his legs. He took a bite of the pen cover, looked at the envelope for a long time before sending a short message to Shi Xi

[ Where is your home address? I want to send something.  ]

Wait for a while, still no reply. Guo Zhi typed a new message.

[ Don't worry, I won't steal your things. Or I'll give you my home address so that if you lose something later, you can find me. ]

Guo Zhi sent his home address and still no reply, maybe Shi Xi is busy or his cellphone is off.

He slipped the envelope under the pillow.

Zhou Hui entered Guo Zhi's room with a blanket, "The weather is getting colder now it looks like it will snow so mom brings extra blankets."

"Let me do it."  Guo Zhi sat on the bed.

Zhou Hui had already taken over to tidy up Guo Zhi's bed, "Get up quickly, let me do it before your father comes home and say I spoiled you again." Guo Zhi nodded, got up from the bed and stood next to his mother, Zhou Hui put down a blanket, took a pillow and patted it and saw a pale yellow envelope. She wanted to take it but it didn't happen after seeing Guo Zhi's panicked face.

Zhou Hui smiled, "Seeing you like that, is this for your lover?"

Guo Zhi took the envelope and did not speak. Zhou Hui brought the old blanket to the door and suddenly turned around. She looked at Guo Zhi with a look that seemed to have so many things in her eyes, she asked cautiously, "Guo Zhi, is that a girlfriend, right?" Zhou Hui's question implied fear and concern, but it pierced Guo Zhi. Nobody cares about his feelings, they only care about gender.

"Yes, it's a girl, but not a lover, just a close friend." So a lie begins, knowing that such lies will be more and more in the future, but before they are ready to face them, is there any other way besides lying? Only on this issue, Guo Zhi could no longer be like a child, could not confuse him with his sense of candor.

He can't hurt his family. He was afraid of that memory, and the most frightening thing for him was that his father would ruin his feelings for Shi Xi. He will do it, surely it will. So, Guo Zhi will lie and continue to lie.

Not only for the sake of his love but also his family.

Zhou Hui knew that Guo Zhi would not disappoint her again, so she was sure it was not a lie. She laughed with relief.  "That's good."

That's good, then, okay? Zhou Hui's words seemed to inadvertently reach out her hand to push the pain from behind.
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Guo Zhi saw his mother busy in the kitchen, he called Shi Xi.

"Shi Xi." His voice soft and warm.

There was a pause before Shi Xi responded, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

The sound of turning the key came from the front door. Guo Zhi quickly said, "I'll tell you later." He hurriedly returned the cellphone into his pants pocket.

After going out for tea with friends, Guo Yunyong returned and began watching TV on the sofa. Guo Zhi sat across from him, and he could guess Guo Yunyong's eyes what would be discussed. The last time he saw a male partner in a mall raised a worry that always hid in his heart. He worried that one day Guo Zhi would repeat the same mistake. Fooling ownself and being ignorant about wanting to be with a man. Now, after thinking that, he became uneasy.

"What were your thoughts about homosexuality at the mall?" Guo Yunyong still asked, and Guo Zhi was stunned. He did not expect to be confronted suddenly about this problem. He was silent, and Guo Yunyong kept asking, "Do you think they are disgusting?" This is a veiled question, but it is more frontal than Zhou Hui.

Cruel! Guo Zhi squeezes his hand, does he have to answer it himself and admit his feelings are disgusting? Guo Zhi doesn't want to lie, never wants to!

"But you didn't teach me to say bad things to other people."

"That's what people see, they should be shy, and they are shameless."  Guo Yunyong's sentiments towards others but all words are like a whip for Guo Zhi.

"People like that don't deserve sympathy."  Guo Yunyong continued with a bit of excitement and it made him act hard. Guo Zhi knows that his father is like that.

Zhou Hui beside Guo Zhi said, "Don't say that, there is a girl Guo Zhi likes now. What do you think?"

Guo Yunyong doesn't react much. He looked at Guo Zhi. "You're a grown up boy. I can't manage too much in things like this, but don't affect your studies."

"I know." Hearing the answer, Guo Yunyong's heart lightened. He and Zhou Hui felt the same way. Guo Zhi's character will not lie, never deceive them.

Immediately, Guo Zhi realized he was alone, his family seemed to only think of themselves and others feelings, the lies were stacked in harmony.

Isn't their attitude towards this problem too clear? Only Guo Zhi foolishly hopes that over time, they will receive a little, then become tolerant. But reality has destroyed his fantasy, and there is a voice in his heart that laughs at him, "Don't dream, they won't bless your love, only curse your love, don't dream, wake up, open your eyes, erase it all."

Guo Yunyong went to the kitchen to help Zhou Hui. Guo Zhi returned to the room, closed the door, and took out his cellphone with the call still connected, "Did you hear it?"

"Hm."

"I don't mean to lie, I don't want to confess my feelings ..." Guo Zhi wanted to explain.

"Don't say it, Guo Zhi." Shi Xi hears their conversation and wants to meet Guo Zhi's family, but what can he do? He immediately met Guo Zhi's family and met his father, then cried and beg for his approval. That's too unrealistic. The time hasn't arrived yet. He doesn't even have anything to consider right now. After all, it was only childish hope.

When Shi Xi is familiar with reality, the people who live in it have been played with worldly cheers, but the devil is not in the world. He fell asleep below, and one day he will hold the world.

Guo Zhi paused for a moment, "And I'm also afraid of dad's rattan, it hurts so much."

"Guo Zhi, just wait for me, wait until I break the rattan."

"Well, I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you." Guo Zhi squeezed his cellphone, nodded in despair, his eyes blurred.

37. Like listening to the rhythm of a song

Lately, Guo Zhi works at his father's friend's shop. Since graduating from middle school, his father wanted to train him. When he comes on vacation, his father will let him work here, so Guo Zhi is already very skilled. This is a small fast food shop, the layout is clean and neat, because office workers nearby often eat here so the business is not bad.

Some old customers already know Guo Zhi, and when they see him, they can't help but smile. "Guo Zhi, you are on vacation and rarely go home, but your father just let you work."

"Working is very good indeed."

"Your son will definitely have a good future. Ah, I have difficulty choosing which foods I will eat today." The old customer looked around the menu, and Guo Zhi who had tasted some food said honestly. "That one is rather salty today." in the distance, his uncle's roar was heard, "Guo Zhi! What are you talking about ?!"

Sun Xiong and Guo Yunyong are comrades in arms, and they are both fierce types of men, but Sun Xiong is more cheerful than Guo Yunyong so Guo Zhi is not afraid of him like he is afraid of father.

"Uncle, the dish is very salty today."

"You! How many times have I told you, don't call me like that! You kid can make my business bad, if you don't say it, they won't know. They can drink lots of water if they feel salty." Sun Xiong's voice was clearly heard by customers but everyone was used to it.

Guo Zhi nodded. Sun Xiong packed the food and handed it to Guo Zhi. "Deliver this on the floor of two computer cities, no. A19."

"Okay."

Guo Zhi went outside with a plastic bag, and headed to the nearby computer city. Once arrived, he was greeted with the sound of film, music, and chat. He took the elevator to the second floor. After a long time in it, he did not find A19. He stood in the aisle and said out loud, "Who ordered from a fast food shop hahaha ~ fried pork, more meat and a little green pepper ~ This is not a durable lunch box so it will cool down quickly ~"

His voice attracted many people to come out of their shop.

"Guo Zhi?" There is a voice calling his name. Guo Zhi followed the voice's and immediately recognized her. He was surprised, "Linlin!"

"I felt the voice was a little like you, I didn't think it was you."

He looked at the audio shop, "What are you doing here?"

"My boyfriend opened a new shop so I'm here to help. Why are your clothes like that?" Wang Linlin looked at Guo Zhi's strange clothes with the name of a fast food restaurant hahaha with a big character on his chest.

"I work as a winter worker." Guo Zhi could not help but smile. Wang Linlin looked at Guo Zhi's face. The man did not seem to change, but Wang Linlin felt that something had changed. Suddenly she asked, "Hey, you look radiant like in the spring. Are you in love?"

Guo Zhi panicked. "No!" He dodged, two seconds later resignedly, "Yes!"

"You can't even lie for more than two seconds." Wang Linlin rolled her eyes and didn't ask much. Besides, campus love is normal too. She pulled a wooden bench and placed it in front of Guo Zhi. "Congratulations on your body."

Guo Zhi, who had just sat down, suddenly got up, "Hey, who said! We didn't do it!" Two seconds later, Guo Zhi sat down again and gave up, "We did it."

"Do you have schizophrenia¹!" Wang Linlin couldn't help rolling his eyes and saw the camera hanging from Guo Zhi's neck, "Hey, do you need to bring a camera when you deliver an order?"

¹Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by impaired thought processes and weak emotional responses.

"This is used for something else."

"Can you take a picture of me and show Hua Guyu how beautiful I am now."

"You can't. You can't be used as material for Shi Xi."

"What are you talking about? Shi Xi? That name seems to sound familiar. I remember, is it the geek who always wears a hat like his life depends on it, and has no features to watch out for? You hang out with him, and also go to campus Z?"

Wang Linlin had just bluntly told her impression to Shi Xi when high school made Guo Zhi somewhat dissatisfied and praised him. "Linlin, actually I used to lie, you grew up and you're not beautiful."

Is it really coming out of Guo Zhi's mouth? Wang Linlin blinked, "Guo Zhi, you must have studied badly on campus Z to say I'm not beautiful!"

"You're not beautiful at all."

"Oh, my goodness! How good is your relationship with Shi Xi to not allow anyone else to say anything?"

"Shi Xi isn't wearing a hat now."

"Then why? That's not a strange thing."

Guo Zhi touched his cellphone, opened a photo album inside, and handed the phone to Wang Linlin. Wang Linlin took the phone in disgust at the flower-shaped cellphone holster. Her expression suddenly changed, her voice becoming sharper, "This is Shi Xi? You say it's Shi Xi?"

Really bad, like the side effects of arrogance, but also affects Guo Zhi, he is a little proud, just a little, he doesn't want others to praise his lover. Shi Xi is his lover.

Wang Linlin's eyes widened perfectly, still scrolling the photos on the cellphone, "Guo Zhi, why is your cellphone full of Shi Xi's photos and they are all candid taken?"

²shooting silently without the target consent.

"Why? Of course it's because he looks good."

"Only that?"

Suddenly there was a shout in the hallway "Fast food shop hahaha where are you? I asked my boss for your order and said you were here Fried pork, more meat and less green peppers ~~"

"Well, I forgot I'm working now, I'll go first."

"Go, see me next time."

"Okay, okay."

Before more than two steps, Wang Lilin spoke behind him, "Guo Zhi, what is Shi Xi's cellphone number?"

Guo Zhi pretended not to hear it and continued to walk quickly, "I'm from a fast food restaurant hahaha, sorry for being late."
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Guo Zhi returned to the restaurant, Sun Xiong immediately greeted him, "You kid! Did you go to deliver orders to Afghanistan ?!

"I met classmates and talked for a while."

"Woman or man?"

"Woman."

Sun Xiong laughed while holding his stomach, teasing Guo Zhi. "I didn't expect you to have a lover."

"Not what you imagined, uncle."

Sun Xiong ignored Guo Zhi's response, just smiled and left. Guo Zhi took his cellphone to call someone, "Hello, Shi Xi. Guess who I just met?"

"I guess I'm not interested to find out." Shi Xi answered coldly.

"Wang Linlin."

"Do not know her."

"In high school, we were classmates. She remembered you, but she said you were geeky, then I took out your photo. You should really look at her expression after mocking you with bad words. You don't need to worry and be sad about what she said. that's because there are only handsome men in his eyes. "

Shi Xi didn't want to be comfort, he just wanted to ask one thing, "Guo Zhi."

"Hm?"

"Why do you have a picture of me?"

"That, actually, that …" Guo Zhi did not know how to say it, his voice muffled could not continue, finally he decided to hung up onesided.

Guo Zhi stood at the door of the tavern, put his hand in his pocket and looked at the road. His mood now, like a sunny morning, like standing in the sun, like listening to the rhythm of a song, can't stand to shake his body gently.


36. Shi Xi ( 1 )

Sunlight broke through the gap in the curtain and fell on the blanket. Shi Xi opened his eyes, he lay on the bed and stared at the pale ceiling. His emotions are not in his body. There is no hope for the future, no regrets for the past, just watching the lives of others.

For a long time, he got up from the bed, took off his clothes, and suddenly remembered the words of Guo Zhi with a shy face, "Shi Xi, don't take off your clothes in front of me, it will blank my mind." He walked to the bathroom, water with a comfortable temperature washed his body, but still cold.

When did he start caring? Is this what it is called?

Like this superficial feeling will only waste time without meaning, it's as wasteful as other feelings, right?

After bathing, Shi Xi covered his head with a towel, he sat at the table, turned on the computer, there was a neatly folded paper lying on the keyboard that said: For Shi Xi.

He put the paper in a bag, one hand was wrapping a towel on his head, the other hand he was on the mouse, saw the novel written last night, then everything was erased. Even though he was often praised, he still felt that he wrote things that could not satisfy him and erased them when he was about to write again.

He closed his laptop then threw the towel on the bed and came out. The people he passed by all had the same numb expression. Some of them wore earplugs, and some of them looked down on the telephone. Society is contradictory, encouraging all people to trust and communicate with each other; once college girls have been killed in the past, they are encouraged to trust others. This is an unclear boundary. What to do and how to do it is not as good as nothing.

Shi Xi mingled nonchalantly, watching the crowd passing by nonchalantly, a girl in a short skirt and knee-length boots walked in from the opposite direction, on call. Her voice was thick and ugly, and she shouted loudly, "Do you know what I just saw? A man bribes food to another man. When I see them, it is terrible, hahaha, yes."

Shi Xi extends his legs as the girl passes over and stumbles and fall down, her hands fixing her short skirt and then rounding her eyes, staring at Shi Xi.

Shi Xi crouched down with one elbow with his hand resting on his knee, and the other hand grabbed the girl's collar and pulled, "I like men too, have an opinion?"

"How can you tell such a terrible thing?

"You could say, I can also see that you are unsightly, no one can control who, right?" Shi Xi's expression did not change, his expression cold, he took off the collar of the girl who was still sitting staring at him. "Still not leaving? Want to be beaten?"

"You!" The girl rounded her eyes again, but dared not say anything, stood up and patted the clothes, and walked away.
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That night, Shi Xi sat in front of the computer, the light on the screen hit his face. His hand is not on the keyboard. He picked up the phone and put it in his ear. "Why?"

"It's nothing. I'm home. When are you going home?"

"Go tomorrow."

"What are you doing?"

Shi Xi listens to Guo Zhi's voice, his feelings can even be seen from the phone, Shi Xi can guess that Guo Zhi's expression must be smiling. He placed his hand on the keyboard and typed two words: Guo Zhi.

"Why don't you sleep and do this in the middle of the night?"

"I can't sleep. Can you tell a story? I bought Andersen's fairytale last time."

"Do you think I have free time?"

"Is that so." No longer hearing the voice across, Shi Xi stood up, his fingers picking up books that were piled on the floor. He sat on the bed and flipped the book, Guo Zhi was rather silly. In his thoughts, he believes that fairy tales have happy endings, but they don't. The world is not that beautiful, let him know that the nature of life is cruel. But his fingers that opened the pages away from the story of the girl who cut her legs and wore red shoes, ignored the story of a mermaid who lost her love and lost her voice and turned into foam. And finally stop at a happy ending story.

This is just a problem for two people. Even though others give cruelty, but when Shi Xi gives good, that is enough.

He slowly reads it. Not long after, Shi Xi heard regular breathing from across, "Good night, Guo Zhi." and hang up the phone.
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The next day, Shi Xi brought two books and a laptop and left. The plane moves slowly then faster when swiping the runway, and then flies towards the sky. Shi Xi took out Guo Zhi's letter from his bag, the front handwritten neatly with a random stroke. He opened it and began to read.

[ Shi Xi,

Wait, let me think first about what I want to say to you. You must promise first, you must read this letter, otherwise you will not be a good man!

I know that you're busy, busy writing novels, busy reading books, busy watching DVDs, busy playing games. However, when pause writing a novel, reading a book, or changing to watch another DVD, while playing a game, you can actually take the time to think about me. I suddenly feel very embarrassed to write this!

Shi Xi, I bought a lot of pens and put them in your bag; I also locked the script for you. I bought the book "Photograph Technique" and researched it recently. I'll help you take more pictures during the winter holidays. I can go home safely for the New Year, and I wish you the best in the air, like the East Sea¹, Shoubi Nanshan².

¹In Chinese mythology, the East Sea is the domain of Ao Guang, Donghai Longwang (東海 龍王), or "Dragon King of the East Sea", which is responsible for controlling storms and waves.

²Live a long life like the Zhongnan Mountains! (Idiom) / Have a long life.

/ maybe because Shi Xi got on a plane so Guo Zhi prayed that the weather was good and could arrive safely. /

Oh right, I have to work part time during this winter vacation.

What did I write, why is it so stupid? Change the sheet and rewrite it.

Forget it, use this paper, give you more paper, I'll cross it off so you don't want to read.

You always say that the world is very bad. I think the world has warm sunshine, beautiful flowers, blue sky, shopping malls full of snacks and beautiful clothes, nice people, like girl, Hua er, cousin. My roommate is also good, where is the bad? Shi Xi, don't hate this world too much, because I also exist in this world.

Finally, thank you, let me know on New Year's Eve.

How is this, clearly saying the last one, but I still want to write, am I going to write until you wake up? I really want to end, goodbye.

I want to write again, then say an esoteric statement to conclude.

Oops, can't think of it, how is it, dear. ]

Finally, the word unfortunately crossed out with a horizontal line, but can still be seen. Shi Xi holds the letter, he turns to look at the window. At this time, emotions returned to him without warning. His handsome face was gently carved into a smile.

Wasting time on extra things like this feeling is really pointless.

So, just let this continue.


35. The nature of life

In the middle of the night, the whole city was in a calm state, Guo Zhi blinking occasionally patting his face, trying to hold his sleep. For a long time, he gently opened the door, made sure not to hear his father's voice, then closed the door, hiding under the blanket and called Shi Xi.

"Why?" Just one word but has warmed Guo Zhi's heart to make himself happy.

"It's nothing, I'm home. Are you home?"

"Go tomorrow."

"What are you doing?" Guo Zhi doesn't really want to know what Shi Xi is doing, just hearing Shi Xi's voice is already very good.

"Why don't you sleep and do this in the middle of the night?"

"I can't sleep." The eyelids felt heavy, and his hands were wrinkled, the air on the blanket was a little stuffy, he slightly opened the blanket to let the air in, then continued, "Can you tell a story? I gave you Andersen's fairy tale at the time."

"Do you think I have free time?"

"Is that so." His mouth no longer spoke.

Shi stood up from the computer desk, his fingers picked up books piled on the floor, he sat on the bed and flipped the book, which was rather ridiculous, in his knowledge, Guo Zhi believed that fairy tales had a happy ending, but it didn't.

He used to want to let Guo Zhi know how bad the world was but it had no effect. He turned his finger away from the story of the girl who cut her leg and wore red shoes, then ignored the story of the mermaid who lost her love also lost her voice and became frothy. And stop at happy ending story, his voice is as good as the beginning.

Shi Xi slowly reads it, and Guo Zhi listens calmly, then falls asleep.
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The next morning, Zhou Hui knocked on the door of the room, "Guo Zhi, wake up, today we go to the mall to buy new year's decoration.

"Yes, I will ready soon."

Guo Zhi gets up from the bed, and thinks Shi Xi must still be sleeping. When he comes home and does something, he can't help but think about what Shi Xi is doing right now. What kind of expression will he have? What kind of person did he meet and what novel did he write?

Separately, it's only one word, it's not serious, but it gives people a strange and beautiful feeling. What was lost in his heart, what was more thought about him, Guo Zhi wanted to stop thinking about him when he was busy; he wants to be busy when he is free. He does not want it. This is not a way to get used to it. That's like a serious illness. If you don't take medicine, it will only get worse.
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The whole mall is covered with red decorations. The outside of the mall is laid out with a table. The person who holds the microphone in neat clothes sends seduction to buy a cellphone. The place was surrounded by people, and the group was like zombies. At the mall, people come and go, they choose items that promote the New Year, and faces are greeted with the excitement of the New Year. But this is only an illusion. What can New Year bring? It cannot make people who are depressed in life rich, nor can they make sadness or problems disappear.

Guo Zhi got out of the car and walked behind his parents, he was in a good mood, looking at the beaming mall layout, could not bear to touch cute dolls for a while and pulled the hands of a humanoid model.

There was a voice from the front, there was a group of people gathered there. They are also curious to get into the crowd and jostle. After a few seconds, Guo Zhi's face paled. In the crowd there were two men, their hands intertwined, their faces looking disheveled, the little man behind the taller man, his legs trembling slightly, his eyes filled with tears that would fall. In front of them stood a family screaming loudly, an arrogant middle-aged man and a middle-aged woman who covered the eyes of a boy about five years old.

"You guys are gay, don't you guys feel like making mistakes? You should go home and stay home. There are children outside, I don't want my child to learn this deviant thing."

"What are you saying?" The man in front stares angrily at the middle-aged man, the man behind him pulls his clothes, not wanting him to fight. The people around also spoke and shouted from the crowd, "Yes, isn't that embarrassing enough?"

"Men with men, what happens?"

"Really a shameful thing that happened this year."

"Do your parents know?"

"Does any family member care about you?"

This countless accusation not only affected the two men but also outside the crowd. The man in front looks at everyone angrily, "What are you doing? Why blame us?"

"Hug in public and still want to deny?"

The man's eyes are also red, because of his inability, he cannot protect the loved one behind him. He could only let himself bear the accusation and his lover cried behind him.

"Let's go." The man behind asked with a sob.

They finally couldn't stand this look and ridicule, then left. When they walked out of the mall, their intertwined hands fell off. Guo Zhi felt the pain in his chest getting stronger and stronger, maybe it was because he did not feel alone.

This is a cruel reality, isn't it?

Dan Ju once told him that there are people who accept this feeling and there are those who oppose it. But she did not tell Guo Zhi that there were too many people who did not receive more than those who could.

The two men released their hands under pressure, right? this question, he dares to say that he can do it? Some things are often said to be useless, but they are so tiring.

When you need to face it, you just want to run away. This is not a weakness, this is an instinct.

When there is a glimmer of hope for this feeling, reality will be destroyed with countless pots of ice water.

Seeing the crowd begin to disperse, they continued walking. Guo Yunyong looked forward and suddenly said, "Look, this is the end." Guo Zhi who followed behind was sure that Father's words were directed at him. Look, where does he want to see? What is seen? If he saw these things before his own eyes, would he likes for Shi Xi dissapear? How could it be?

The nature of life may be cruel.


34. Not sure


When Guo Zhi woke up, he was already under the blanket on the bed. He did not see Shi Xi beside him. He looked away to see Shi Xi sitting and typing in front of the computer. The lights in the whole room went out, there was nothing left, only the sounds of keyboard typing. Guo Zhi smile, he hugged the pillow, shifted to the end of the bed closer to Shi Xi and then slept again.
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The next morning, Guo Zhi will sleep again if the alarm does not sound. He gets up, holds his head then stares at Shi Xi. When Shi Xi fell asleep, the face let go of its defenses and indifference towards the world, leaving only a quiet breath.

(...)


Making sure Shi Xi hasn't woken up, Guo Zhi carefully opened the blanket, put on his clothes, and then sat at the table, picked up a pen, and bit the pen cap, thinking of what had to be written for Shi Xi. He had talked a lot, but why was his heart still full of words, he frowned for a moment, then looked down and began writing seriously.

Finally, he drew a funny cartoon as a cover.

He opened the door and stood outside. He whispered to Shi Xi who was still sleeping in the bed very softly, and no one could hear, "Goodbye, Shi Xi."
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Hua Guyu impatiently waited alone in Guo Zhi's room. Ke Junjie just left. When he saw Guo Zhi, he snorted and narrowed his eyes wanting to curse, Guo Zhi immediately rushed to the bed and prepared his suitcase, "I was too much. I let a handsome flower man waiting for me."

Such praise is very useful for Hua Guyu, his greatest weakness may be his own beauty, as long as he is praised, his mood will better. Hua Guyu folded his arms, watching Guo Zhi, his lips curved as if he had something to laugh about.

"I know what happened when you were captured by Shi Xi."

Guo Zhi wiped his red face and denied, "Hua er, you, what are you saying? This isn't Shi Xi's scent. I, I used a moisturizer last night."

"You guys are too easy to guess!" After saying that, Hua Guyu shifted the topic as if he had never discussed it. "Are there any Shi Xi secrets or bad habits?"

"No." Guo Zhi barely thought about it and said without thinking.

"There's no way there isn't one!" Hua Guyu won't believe. He not only wants to defeat Shi Xi about physical appearance, but also about ideology and morality.

After packing the suitcase, Guo Zhi walked to the station with Hua Guyu. One hand drags a suitcase and the other hand counts fingers, "In my opinion, Shi Xi is very kind, gentle, considerate …" His fingers aren't detailed enough.

Hua Guyu was still looking for Shi Xi's weakness, staring at him disbelief. "Are you sure that we know the same person? The strength of what you said, I have never seen it. It seems like asking you questions is futile. I have to find someone who hates him just like me to be a friend."

Guo Zhi patted Hua Guyu's shoulder, "Hua er, you're lying, you don't hate Shi Xi. You like him, even though it's somewhat different from my likes."

"I almost threw up my breakfast. How dare you say that again, I'll push you off the train."

"Then I won't say it." Guo Zhi dragged his suitcase and climbed onto the train, muttering while walking. "Hua er is indeed the type to boast."

"I heard it!"

Guo Zhi sat on the train and looked out the window, he realized that time was passing quickly. He hasn't returned home for a long time. At first, he set foot on the train with an empty heart, thinking of Shi Xi; now in the train again with a full heart, still thinking about Shi Xi.

When with Shi Xi, time seems to stop.

When far from Shi Xi, time flies by.
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When he got home, Guo Zhi opened the door. This is a familiar scene. Dad smokes while watching TV and mom is busy in the kitchen.

"I am home."

Zhou Hui, who heard Guo Zhi's voice, turned around with a smile. She wiped her hands on her waist and tried to take Guo Zhi's suitcase, but Guo Yunyong prevented, "You let him do it, he is an adult. You don't spoil him."

"Mom, I can carry it myself."

Guo Zhi dragged the suitcase to the room, and then came out and sat before his father. Guo Yunyong put out the burning cigarette butts, then looked at Guo Zhi. "How was the test?"

"Not bad."

"University is the key to your success. Study well, and it will be very useful for you to find a job after entering the society. No company will accept anyone who doesn't understand anything." Guo Yunyong has many keys. He used to say when Guo Zhi was in middle school, then high school, and now university. He did not want to let Guo Zhi live life so easily, he had to tighten Guo Zhi's spirit at all times. Can't relax.

"I understand." Guo Zhi promised him, but his eyes couldn't help pointing to the rattan that was leaning in the corner. It hasn't been used for years. It lives there calmly, and is covered with a thin layer of dust.

In middle school, he swore with physical pain and dislike of himself, would never let his father angry again, would never let his mother cry again, would never let the rattan swing on his body again, because it was painful, because it was true really painful, even now, Guo Zhi can't forget the pain.

That year, he convinced himself.

Now, his eyes are father, mother and rattan, but his heart is Shi Xi.




33. Coudn't changed


The day before the winter holidays, Guo Zhi sat on the balcony of the room, staring at the students below through the fence. Ke Junjie was very excited to pack, and his mouth occasionally shouted to sing a song that was not pleasant to hear. He looked at Guo Zhi, "Why don't you pack up and just sit there quietly?"

"I'm just lazy to move."

Ke Junjie thought he heard it wrong. "Are you lazy to move?" Cannot blame Ke Junjie for being shocked. Guo Zhi, who had attended military training, slept early and woke up early, folded blankets, cleaned the bedroom, praised the weather, praised school, every day like people who consume active vitamins, now says he is lazy to move.

Of course, Ke Junjie won't understand. When Guo Zhi's mood or behavior becomes abnormal, it must be related to Shi Xi.

Guo Zhi was still sitting in his chair, counting the length of winter holidays.

"Junjie, why is the winter break so long? Can it be made for just one day?"

"Hey, your words will offend all students in the world."

Guo Zhi wanted to say something, but his cellphone vibrated, a call came in. "Hello, dad?"

"You're starting your holiday tomorrow, right?"

"Yes."

"Then go straight home, don't stop by anywhere."

"I know."

"Did you pack up?" Hearing that, Guo Zhi saw his belongings which were still scattered on the table then stood up. "I was just about to pack."

"Pack up first, don't forget anything. Pay attention to road safety."

"I understand."

"That is all."

"All right, Dad. The weather is very cold, take care of your health."

After waiting for Guo yunyong to hang up, Guo Zhi put down his cellphone, and took the suitcase from the closet and opened it. Inside was a hat with a strange shape that Shi Xi had bought last time in an ancient city. He took it and put it on his head and kept packing things. Ke Jinjie shuddered at the strange object in Guo Zhi's head which was creepy. "What are you doing?"

"Pack up."

"I mean something strange in your head."

"You don't understand. I think this hat will become very popular in the future." Guo Zhi is not kidding, he really believes that.

"Surely it's not easy for you to find that ugly hat."

Guo Zhi looked in the mirror and moved his head, the hat on top also moved. He always thought this hat was very good. Guo Zhi looked at his face then looked out and looked back at his reflection, his eyes rolled down looking at his chest in front of the mirror where the source of the emotions that were trapped there, could not be calm and continued uneasy. How to stop it? Is there a way?

Guo Zhi suddenly rushed out of the room and ran out of the campus area. He ran while holding the hat on his head so its not to fall. The people who passed by him stared strangely but Guo Zhi kept running.

When he arrived in front of Shi Xi's room, he knocked hard. Shi Xi opened the door, Guo Zhi propped his hand against the door, the hat on his head sank half of his face. "Shi Xi, Shi Xi, Shi Xi, I … I …" He impatiently tried to speak while interrupting to catch his breath.

Shi Xi looked at the object in the head of Guo Zhi, is this idiot carrying the hat all the way here? His hand stretched out and pulled the tip of the hat upward, making Guo Zhi's face clearly visible.

"Shi Xi, I want to sleep with you tonight." Guo Zhi looked up to say directly what was on his mind and then realized there was a crack in his own words, he continued "I did not come for pleasure, I just wanted to sleep with you. We slept well tonight, and will not have physical relations in bed."

"So you mean I'm the type of person who would do such a thing every time you spend the night?" Shi Xi's response frowned slightly, and Guo Zhi quickly waved his hand. "No, no, I don't think you're such a man." Hey, you really have to think about it, because Shi Xi is indeed that type of person.

Guo Zhi took off his hat and threw it on the bed. "I'll take a shower first, I ran to get here so I'm sweating now."

Shi Xi sat in front of the computer while Guo Zhi was in the bathroom, staring at the mirror again right in his chest. He did not know when the anxiety would disappear. He wants to see Shi Xi and when he sees him, he still feels unclear. He turned the shower started taking a shower, Guo Zhi spoke from inside "When you leave tomorrow, don't forget to lock all the manuscripts. What if the thief comes in and changes your text?"

"You mean, the thief came not to steal other things but only to change my novel?"

"I mean, who knows. Nowadays there are many types of thieves, what if you meet a thief who happens to be a poet? What will you do?"

"Do nothing."

"You're really not careful, what if that changes?"

"Those are just a few words that no one else will see."

Guo Zhi opened the bathroom door and only show his head at Shi Xi angrily. "Hey, I'll see. I'll see what you write, not changed by others. Even if it change better, I'd rather read what you write, I'd like to read it for the rest of my life." Shi Xi turned his head, just an ordinary word, but in response to Guo Zhi's three sentences, Shi Xi's body which had not become a complete emotional nerve, this time increased by more than one.

Guo Zhi had finished bathing when Shi Xi stood behind the window. He sometimes does this. Just looking out without any emotion as if watching a movie about him.

Guo Zhi did not want to disturb, he sat on the chair and shook his legs while reading Shi Xi's novel. They continue like this in the midst of cold weather outside but inside feels warm with a temperature regulator that produces faint sounds.

(...)

32. Their similiarities

Lately, the weather has begun to cool without warning. The whole city was shrouded in cold fog, like an old man who continued to smoke, buildings and everything seemed blurred.
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After class ended, Shi Xi stood outside the campus gate and waited for a taxi. Shi Xi looked far ahead, Guo Zhi next to him said, "Why did you go to buy a DVD? It's easier to watch online."

"The ad is very annoying." Shi Xi replied curtly.

In the past, advertisements were only 10 seconds, then 20 seconds, and now 60 seconds. Sometimes watching a short 3 minute drama. Each episode must wait for 1 minute advertising. Some TV stations are even more numerous, and when one episode of the drama will feature a critical scene, an inscription appears 'Don't go anywhere' then an advertisement and after completion it turns out the drama to be continued and the ending song is played.

Shi Xi rarely watches TV broadcasts. He thought it was just a brainwashing tools.

Shi Xi's answer made Guo Zhi even more confused. "Is the ad not good? From there you can find out which newly released products and also more guaranteed brands."

"Nothing is guaranteed."

The taxi stopped and both of them boarded. During the trip the taxi driver always shows great anger when the front car stops suddenly or when there is a car that turns from another corner to obstruct the car, he shouted cursing. Guo Zhi furrowed his eyebrows unable to bear hearing that while Shi Xi was indifferent. Guo Zhi opens his mouth wanting to say something but Shi Xi prevents it. "Don't say anything."

The taxi stopped at the destination and both of them out.

"Why stop me? Maybe the driver has a problem so I feel sorry. I can give him some tips."

"What kind of tips?" Shi Xi's response. Both of them enter the DVD shop.

"Take the car to the mountain, then stay there and shout to the sky: I will live better~ thats it." Obviously Guo Zhi was excited, as soon as he saw Shi Xi who looked a little biased his expression faded.

"You look at me like an angry person!"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Do you have an opinion about my tips earlier?"

"Throwing money away to buy fuel, going to the mountains and screaming like a fool can make other people forget their problems and overcome their anger? The poetic scene on TV is a big scam. If it's really useful, the mountain is full of people now. This kind of thing only you will do."

"I won't do it because I don't have many problems and get angry."

This is the similarity they have. The emotional capacity of Guo Zhi's body is not great because it is already filled with happiness so how might there be room left to overcome problems and anger; while Shi Xi thinks that trouble and anger cannot bring anything to himself, and cannot take anything. This is useless.
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Shi Xi chooses a DVD, his long fingers move in a row of DVDs then stops, takes one to watch it for a moment then puts it back. Guo Zhi followed, he took the DVD, watched and returned to the row of shelves. "Shi Xi, are you going home during winter break?"

"Hm."

"Is it very far?"

"What do you want?"

"I, I don't want anything."

Guo Zhi was still standing next to Shi Xi, his eyes traced through various DVD covers occasionally glancing at Shi Xi. It was long enough for him to finally say, "On winter vacation, what do you usually do?"

"None of your business."

Guo Zhi frowned then switched to picking up one DVD and watching it. Guo Zhi suddenly pulled Shi Xi's arm. "Shi Xi, look! This film is about the love story of two men."

Shi Xi came to see the title 'Love of Siam'. "What needs to be surprised just because of this." He continued to step towards another shelf. Guo Zhi returned to putting the DVD, walking two steps occasionally looking back, towards the location of the DVD.

He never watched and didn't even know that a movie like that existed. Dad said these feelings can't be expressed but if it's really not good, then why is it made into a film that can be seen by everyone?

Shi Xi chooses two DVDs then returns, he passes the 'Love of Siam' DVD area and picks it up and goes to the cashier. Guo Zhi continued to observe the DVD, starting with the cashier checking the price, putting it in the shopping bag, until both of them left the store. Guo Zhi's eyes are still fixed on the bag held by Shi Xi.

"Shi Xi."

"Hm?"

"You're my lover, right?"

"What do you want to say?"

"That means we're on good terms, right?"

Shi Xi didn't answer, Guo Zhi continued. "Then can you lend me this DVD for a day?"

"You say a lot of stupid things so you want me to hit you, right?"

They sat in the taxi again. Both sat side by side on the back seat. Shi Xi sits while putting his elbows in the window, looking out while Guo Zhi puts his hands on his thighs and looks out at the other side. Their pupils capture the movement of the scenery being passed. Guo Zhi's right foot moved softly slightly touching Shi Xi's leg, bringing a sensation that burst through his chest.
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"Shi Xi, besides reading books and writing novels, what else do you do in your spare time?" Guo Zhi asked when a taxi entered the campus area.

"How many questions do you have about my winter vacation?"

The taxi stopped and then drove again after both out. Guo Zhi looked down while swiping his shoes to the ground. "I'm not, I'm just worried you're not thinking about me during winter holidays."

"No need."

"You don't need to think about me?" Guo Zhi still lowered his head, rubbing his shoes on the ground even harder.

"There's nothing to worry about." After hearing that, Guo Zhi looked up preparing to smile broadly but Shi Xi immediately put a DVD on his face. "I gave this DVD to your stupid face so disappear."

Guo Zhi took the DVD on his face, saw Shi Xi turned around, prepared to leave. Guo Zhi spoke behind, "I will disappear today, tomorrow I will be at your world on time."

Shi Xi shrugs.
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They may not only have one thing in common, but they are satisfied with this innocent and special feeling. No more requests. This is also right.


31. Indeed smart but also a bit silly

Recently, Xu Ru's feelings became clearer, she would take the initiative to sit around Guo Zhi, she increasingly showed friendliness from time to time, she had many questions that Guo Zhi did not understand and there were always more things being bought for Guo Zhi.

Even people in the class feel it. Only Guo Zhi did not notice and thought Xu Ru was only slightly different from the others. On this day, Xu Ru sat next to him, and Ke Junjie, Guo Zhi's roommate sitting in front of them suddenly turned and squinted at Guo Zhi.

"What's wrong with your face? Did you have a stroke?" Guo Zhi asked worried.

"What kind of nonsense is that." Ke Junjie looked at Xu Ru's shy face, and once again looked at Guo Zhi, and Guo Zhi followed his line of sight, looked at Ke Junjie, then looked at Xu Ru, understood, and asked, "Xu Ru, you, don't tell me you are ..." Xu Ru's face was turning red, not expecting Guo Zhi to ask it directly. Xu Ru bit her lip.

"Do you like Ke Junjie?"

Ke Junjie glanced at Guo Zhi. "Are you stupid or what?"

"I'm so stupid because I just realized now!"

Xu Ru didn't know how to behave now. Ke Junjie did not want to participate in this matter, he turned around after glaring at Guo Zhi as if Guo Zhi had never been blessed in the blessing.

"Guo Zhi, actually I …" Xu Ru wanted to say something but suddenly Guo Zhi pulled out his cellphone. "Sorry, wait a minute. I'll send a message first."

Guo Zhi typed, [ Shi Xi, I'm going to the grocery store today to buy a pen, is there something you want? ]

[ No. ]

[ Your reply is very fast. Just say it, maybe something you want later. ]

[ No. ]

[ Really? ]

[ No. ]

[ You must have copied your message. ]

[ No. ]

Guo Zhi flattened his lips, believing Shi Xi would only copy the same word. He mischievously returned to send a message, this time he anticipated how Shi Xi would respond with that word.

[ Then do you have male vital organs? ]

[ It's not only have, it's even bigger than yours. ]

This frontal answer made Guo Zhi smile amused at what he meant! Weren't you the one to discuss this topic first?

On other hand, Xu Ru carefully watched Guo Zhi's expression. He still smiled on his face, but this smile was very special. That's different from usual. Unlike for herself, she could not distinguish which part of it, but it was indeed different. It was as if an aura of warmth came out from Guo Zhi's body, even Xu Ru beside him could feel.

Guo Zhi put his cellphone back and then turned to Xu Ru, "What did you want to say just now?"

"No, nothing."

The lecturer enters and the class starts. During that time, Xu Ru could not concentrate, her heart was upset to know Guo Zhi's response but she doubted whether or not to said it, what if Guo Zhi's answer was not as she had hoped?
.
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Class ended, Guo Zhi stood up to go to the canteen. Xu Ru stood up, "Guo Zhi, are you going to lunch?"

"Yes."

"Then can I go with you? There's something I want to ask."

A pause before Guo Zhi nodded. "Let's go."

They walked on the campus yard. Xu Ru walked slowly next to Guo Zhi, her heart restless. Guo Zhi saw the couple in front who had a happy face. "You will find your happiness like they do because everyone has their own happiness. Luckily I have found my happiness."

"Do you have someone you like?" Xu Ru froze.

"Not only like, but like it so much. Ah, why am I suddenly saying this to you? I shouldn't have discussed it." Guo Zhi smiled apologetically looking at Xu Ru. "Have you ever tried to find someone and feel you can continue to follow him at any time?"

"Never."

"That means I'm very strange."

"No, no, you're not strange."

Not far away, Hua Guyu continued talking next to Shi Xi, and both of them appeared at the same time, difficult to ignore.

"Shi Xi, you have to admit that I'm very handsome or I won't let you go."

"Did you hear that?"

Since Shi Xi pushed him on the ladder, Hua Guyu had only one purpose in life, making Shi Xi realize his good looks.

"I'm the most handsome man in the world."

Shi Xi looked at Hua Guyu coldly. "How can you say those words?"

"Certainly honesty from the heart. You see me, also my body, this perfect proportion is a gift of God." Hua Guyu's response. His eyes fell on Guo Zhi who was chatting warmly with a girl not far away. He crooked a smile then put his elbows on Shi Xi's shoulder. "You see, Guo Zhi is wearing Green Hat¹, I will help you but you have to admit that I am handsome." In the end, he could only sell Guo Zhi's name to achieve his goals.

¹Green Hat, this term is usually used to describe a cheating couple in China. Lol.

Shi Xi also looked forward, there was no expression on his face, he then stepped forward without excuse immediately pushing Xu Ru. The girl with an embarrassed face because Guo Zhi was shocked and almost fell if she was not held by Hua Guyu.

Hua Guyu smiled softly, "Are you alright?" Seeing that smile Xu Ru was stunned. Hua Guyu looked up at Shi Xi, "Do you think I'm handsome now?"

Hua Guyu's words were ignored by Shi Xi. On the other hand, Guo Zhi was surprised to see Shi Xi who suddenly pushed a girl for no reason. Shi Xi doesn't feel shy or sorry. In his eyes, there is no sex in this world. No matter male or female, they are only moving objects, he will not waste time to distinguish.

"Xu Ru, are you alright? Shi Xi, why did you push her?" Guo Zhi is not blaming, just asking.

"Because I want to." Shi Xi's answer made Guo Zhi not understand. Shi Xi walked away, Guo Zhi followed him. "But she's my friend. She just wants to go eat with me."

Hua Guyu looked at the two people who had walked first then returned to show his gentle smiles. "Forgive my friend. His mood is bad because I'm so much better looking than him. So don't mind!"

"No, it's fine."

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"You think a girl who wants to go out to eat with you has no particular reason? Do you always make other people misunderstand with your stupid face?" Shi Xi could easily see that fact. If only Guo Zhi's character was more difficult, then nothing like this would have happened. However, Shi Xi did not want to change Guo Zhi. Although this is a hidden danger, nothing needs to be changed.

"Actually I know, maybe I just guessed it so I told her I already liked someone else." Guo Zhi's simple response made Shi Xi turn to look at him. He thought Guo Zhi was stupid in this matter and could not feel anything. It seems that Guo Zhi can automatically eliminate the hidden dangers within himself.

The fact is that Guo Zhi wasn't always stupid, he did know but didn't want to knock Xu Ru down and make the girl embarrassed but he also didn't want to raise Xu Ru's expectations so he intentionally sent Shi Xi a message in class and also expressed his feelings in front of the girl.

"Em, Shi Xi, are you jealous?"

"No need."

Guo Zhi's face contorted.

"What is her name?"

"Xu Ru. Why are you asking this?"

"None of your business."
.
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The next day, Guo Zhi knocked on Shi Xi's door, the man opened it and then fell back to bed and continued to sleep. Guo Zhi was bored sitting at a computer desk, suddenly his eyes were fixed on a piece of paper tucked under the monitor.

Written,

[ The woman with thick-rimmed sunglasses and an ugly appearance is called Xu Ru. She squatted on the side of the road while eating greedily. She ate something left by someone else in the trash. One day, she came to the curb as usual. A can rolled into the middle of the road. She hurriedly wanted to catch it then a truck sped towards her. She turned her head before reacting, her body was crushed. The truck driver did not stop and kept going. Then more cars drove on the road, repeatedly destroying her body, repeatedly destroying, no one wanted to stop. ]

Guo Zhi blinked in surprise at the short paragraph. Even though he knew Shi Xi's writings were based on real things, this one was mixed with naive words.

Is he jealous?

Guo Zhi felt bad for Xu Ru but on the other hand he could not hide his happiness. Guo Zhi immediately dropped his body on the bed and crushed Shi Xi.

Shi Xi who felt a heavy burden on his body woke up, "Do you want to find death, Guo Zhi?"
.
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Guo Zhi is indeed smart but also a bit silly, he really just wants to spend a lifetime with Shi Xi, don't want to try with other people or have feelings for others. When seeing Shi Xi, Guo Zhi was sure he is the one.

30. Life is not up to standart

Guo Zhi had been sitting at the table for a long time, he continued to watch the time, worried that it would be too late. Shi Xi is still sleeping so he doesn't want to be noisy. After meeting Shi Xi, his good moral character is always tested. Guo Zhi isn't afraid to wake Shi Xi, he just doesn't want to wake him.

They are different. Shi Xi is night, Guo Zhi is afternoon. But when they mingled, Shi Xi saw Guo Zhi's sleeping face and he would still be asleep when Guo Zhi woke up. Guo Zhi never thought of changing Shi Xi. Guo Zhi had liked him from the start, why did he have to make meaningless changes? Even though he has no feelings, he still aware of that.
.
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Shi Xi opens his eyes and squints as the sunlight illuminates the room.

"Shi Xi, are you awake? I'm waiting for you to go to college together."

"Did I ask you to wait for me? Don't cry if you are late."

"I will not cry."

Shi Xi gets up from the bed, stretching his neck muscles. Realizing something Guo Zhi hurriedly turned his back on Shi Xi, "You, do you want to take off your clothes?"

"Which romance novel did you use as a reference this time?"

"I can't see your body. Once I see it, my mind will blank."
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It didn't take long for Shi Xi to take a shower, both of them prepared to leave. Shi Xi steps first, forgets something and then turns to look at Guo Zhi who has kindly closed the door.

"Who told you to close the door?"

"Going out and closing the door is a must."

"I didn't bring the key." Shi Xi's response was flat but Guo Zhi turned worried. "What should I do? Wait a minute!" He ran quickly and soon he returned with a wire that was no clue where he get that from. He began to jab the wire into the keyhole and then furrowed his eyebrows. "Non sense. On the movie scene, the door will open immediately."

"If you can open it, thats non sense. Let's go."

When Shi Xi had only walked two steps, he heard a crash behind him. He turned to find Guo Zhi banging his body on the door. Shi Xi gritted his teeth. "Do you think you have super powers in your body?"

"What can I do with the key? You can't go home later after college. It's all my fault." Guo Zhi prepares to hit the door again but Shi Xi pulls his arm. "I can find the rental owner to ask for a spare key."

"Why you don't say it earlier! Its painful."

"I don't think you can be this stupid."
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In the classroom, Guo Zhi holds a pen occasionally taking notes while listening to the lecturer's explanation. Suddenly a pen rolled to his feet. He looked down then heard the small voice of a girl from behind. "Sorry, my pen fell. Can you please help me get it?"

"No problem, I can help, no need to hesitate." Guo Zhi bent down and took the pen and turned to find its Xu Ru. The girl was very quiet in the class. She always tides his hair and wears black-rimmed glasses. She rarely talks. Guo Zhi placed the pen on Xu Ru's table and smiled. "Turns out you're sitting behind me, Xu Ru."

"Do you remember my name?" Xu Ru looked surprised.

Guo Zhi nodded. "Your name is very good, of course I remember." This sentence has no meaning in him. He bragged to anyone. Like middle school, he often praises Wang Linlin. But to Xu Ru, it wasn't just praise, she didn't know how to answer and only buried her head low, didn't dare to look at Guo Zhi and painstakingly said, "Th-thank you."

Guo Zhi turned around and refocused on listening to the class before Xu Ru dared to look up. She sat in the back and looked at Guo Zhi. In her impression, Guo Zhi is always happy and very kind to others. Now her assessment of Guo Zhi is getting better. If only someone like Guo Zhi became his lover, that would be better. Realizing her own thoughts, Xu Ru could not prevent the blush on her face. She immediately shook her head.
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In the next few days in class, Xu Ru always intentionally or unintentionally sat behind him, and always intentionally or accidentally dropped things. After realizing he had squatted many times, today Guo Zhi finally turned to look at Xu Ru who was staring at him in awe, the girl hurriedly hiding her panic, Guo Zhi frowned then glanced at Xu Ru's desk. "Are you …" Not finished yet, Xu Ru had chimed in. "No, no."

"No? That's impossible, are you sure your table isn't tilted a bit until your things always slide down?" Guo Zhi paid attention to the corner of the table.

Xu Ru sigh in relief. Hesitantly, she reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a bag of chocolates. "That, Guo Zhi, I bought you some chocolate as a thank you for always helping me."

"There's no need. Even without the chocolate, I'll help you. After all, I'm sitting in front of you."

Does Guo Zhi know about her feelings? Xu Ru couldn't bear to think like this.

Xu Ru shoved the chocolate in Guo Zhi arms. "Take it if you think of me as a friend."

"Okay." Guo Zhi smiled.
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During lunch break, Guo Zhi brought chocolate to a quiet place behind the library. Shi Xi was there, he sat there as if he was used to it. When Guo Zhi saw that Shi Xi did nothing, he shouted. "Shi Xi! Look at this chocolate."

"What's good about that."

Guo Zhi sat next to Shi Xi and put the chocolate bag between the two. Guo Zhi took one, ripped the wrapper and immediately devoured it whole. He does not chew, just crunch the chocolate until it melts by itself. "Everyone says that chocolate can make people feel happiness, can stimulate the body to release that." He will not say that noun.

"Sense of happiness? What I see only makes people fat."

"Can you not just think of everything from the bad side? What's bad about fat? Very fun, that means life is rich, girls will not be in vain. Proved that being fat is good and can produce many children."

"In this era of all-round appearance, fat people are only used as a mockery and nickname. When buying clothes, the seller will immediately give you the biggest size, the person you like will always like someone else. This is the aesthetic set by the standards of this era. Too much standard."

Chocolate melt in the mouth of Guo Zhi mixed with bitter and sweet taste. "Men can't like men, is that also the standard of this era?"

"Yes." Shi Xi answered without hesitation. He watched Guo Zhi who was looking down still chewing his chocolate with a dull expression that was not so obvious. Shi Xi continued, "Guo Zhi, are you stupid?"

"I do not." Guo Zhi looked up with an unhappy face.

"That won't work."

"What do you mean?" Guo Zhi thinks Shi Xi is just teasing him but he doesn't think this is a problem.

Shi Xi turned the pen in his hand, one other hand moved and pushed Guo Zhi's forehead. "Because only idiots will live according to this standard."

Chocolate melts out and falls into Guo Zhi's esophagus creating a sweet sensation. Chocolate can really make people feel happy.


29. Even in the dream it's beautiful

Hearing that, Guo Zhi looked up at the handsome face, Shi Xi's words entered his heart, disturbing his mind, penetrated his body. Inside, his heartbeat is disturbed. With just a few words, he could feel this emotions.

Guo Zhi still stood in the same place, his hands hanging on both sides. Shi Xi again spoke impatiently, "What are you doing? Hurry and walk." Afterwards Shi Xi turned to intend to continue his steps but Guo Zhi pulled his sleeve. "You wait for me, walk slower."

"Are you an idiot?"

"Yeah."

Shi Xi continues to walk, Guo Zhi follows, one step Shi Xi has to make him take two steps by running to compensate for Shi Xi.

He complained in the back, but not blame Shi Xi, more to himself. "Your legs are too long, getting into your world seems to force me to do something, I have to use the car to get to your world."

"My world needs parking fees."

"How many?"

"Once parking is exchanged for 100 rounds in the bed."

"You're sneaky!" Guo Zhi is shocked. "That means I'll die in your bed every time I park."

"Yes!" Hearing Shi Xi's answer, Guo Zhi asked him to be a little compassionate by lowering his parking fees a little. He did not think Shi Xi would answer, "Then we will do it on the floor. It is very troublesome to replace new sheets."

"You, you," Guo Zhi's vocabulary was very limited so he thought long before continuing, "You're not serious!" These words did not offend Shi Xi at all.

Seeing Shi Xi not responding, Guo Zhi thinks he has done wrong to Shi Xi, hurting Shi Xi's pride makes Guo Zhi unable to resist asking. "Can't I get a discount?"

Shi Xi stopped, still not talking. Guo Zhi moves to his side, observing the look on Shi Xi's face whether the man is angry but suddenly Shi Xi's fingers move in the darkness of the night, breaking through the night wind, holding Guo Zhi's fingers. Guo Zhi's body temperature rose, continuing to rise until his face turned red. His fingers felt heated.

"Not negotiable."

"OK." It seems like it's really hard for him to bid and ask for a discount.

Guo Zhi looked at the road that Shi Xi led, and he hoped, it would take a little longer, not only at this time, not only tonight, he could walk like this for life.

The rest of the way up to the apartment, Guo Zhi continued to yawn. He rarely sleeps late. The drowsiness made him unable to open his eyes. Shi Xi opened the door of the room, he sat in front of the computer. Guo Zhi rubbed his eyes then lay on the bed. Shi Xi turns around and sees that Guo Zhi is already lying with his legs hanging. He poked his mouth and stood up, opening the blanket to change Guo Zhi's position. He looked at the sleeping face of Guo Zhi with smiling lips.

"What kind of face is this?!" Shi Xi pulled the corner of Guo Zhi's lips, pinching him. Guo Zhi frowned in an unclear voice. Shi Xi let go of his hand then closed the blanket back and continued his activities in front of the computer.
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The next morning, Guo Zhi woke up then sat with his eyes open. He saw Shi Xi who was still sleeping, then hurried to wear his clothes silently then took the camera and closed the door slowly. His cellphone rang, his mother called.

"Hello, Mom. Why?"

"Guo Zhi, Mom just wants to know if you can go home this week? Your nephew is just born, go home and we eat together. You haven't been home for a long time either."

"Okay, ma'am. I'll be back Friday."

"Alright, be careful on the way."

"Oke see you."
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On Friday afternoon, Guo Zhi said goodbye to Shi Xi and then boarded the train. His mother couldn't help but smile when he arrived. Guo Yunyong still has a serious face. "Are you familiar with your campus?"

"Yes, it is very good there."

"Can you keep it up with the lesson?"

"Yes."

"What's yes, you have to study hard. Don't think because you're already in college, you can relax easily, or you will have a hard time when facing society later."

"I know."

"Don't make a mess. Moreover, you're far from us now."

"Well."

Guo Yunyong has many lessons to say, and Guo Zhi is never bored. It seems that such lessons are taken for granted, because he started listening from an early age.
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That night, they sit at the dinner table for dinner. Guo Zhi's cellphone rang, Shi Xi called him.

"Shi Xi!"

"Where do you keep the pen?"

"I put it in the second drawer on the bedside table."

"OK."

Once the call was hung up, Guo Zhi could not hold back his happy expression. Seeing that, Guo Yunyong furrowed his brows. "Who is Shi Xi?"

Guo Zhi immediately realized something. His face was pale and his legs trembled under the table. Does he have to lie? How long have these lies been sown? How big will it be? Guo Zhi doesn't like to lie, Guo Zhi doesn't like to lie about this. He weighed quite a long time, and finally voiced, "Dad, sorry, I, I finally like men. Sorry, I can't control myself."

Everything in the house is quiet as before. Guo Yunyong's sharp eyes pierced him. "What did you say?"

"Shi Xi, the one I like is a man." Guo Zhi did not dare to look at Guo Yunyong's expression. His body stiffened and scared, afraid of everything that would be faced.

Guo Yunyong slammed the bowl, smoked his cigarette and exhaled his smoke hard. Zhou Hui looked at Guo Zhi, "Son, what did you say that you thought about clearly?"

"Yes, I've thought about it very clearly. Dad, you can hit me or yell at me, but this time I won't change."

Guo Yunyong did not speak, he lowered his head. For a long time, he raised his head and put the cigarette into the ashtray. He sighed. "It's like this. You still haven't changed even though I've hit you like that before. How can you joke this time? So, because you've chosen it, what else can I say? If you like him, stay with him, and that's all dad can say."

Guo Zhi could not believe his hearing. "Do you agree? Do you really agree? What about you, mom?"

"Your father has agreed, what else can I say?"

Guo Zhi's heart was covered with happiness. He hurriedly hugged his father, tears seeping out. "I really like Shi Xi. I really like him."

Suddenly, all the images were gone, Guo Zhi opened his eyes, only the ceiling of the room was already familiar to his sight, he slept in the bed, next to Shi Xi, the original time only passed one night, he did not leave Shi Xi's room, he did not receive a call from his mother, he did not go home, his feelings were not discovered.

This is only a dream. The dream is just his thoughts. His mind makes the people in this dream easy to accept and change.

He kicked the blanket hard making Shi Xi frown and opened his eyes, "What are you doing?"

Guo Zhi turned his head, his face full of smiles, warmer than the morning sun, Guo Zhi approached and hugged Shi Xi's arm. "Nothing, just sweet dreams."

"Crazy."

Guo Zhi buried his head in Shi Xi's arm. After a while, he grinned, and Shi Xi frowned again. "What kind of medicine made you like this?"

"I want you to guess it yourself." Guo Zhi grinned again.
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He won't feel sad just from dreaming, he just thinks that even in dreams it's beautiful …


28. Are you going to hate me?

Even if you don't need to care about other people's opinions, you still need to realize it, even if you're alone.
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Guo Zhi took the camera from under the pillow. He stood near the bedroom window, raised the camera and saw the outside view through its lens. He wants to give more time to Shi Xi who wants to write a novel forever. Guo Zhi wants to tell Shi Xi about it and be by his side forever.

Hua Guyu went to Guo Zhi's bedroom, "Hey, tonight, my roommates will go to the internet cafe to play League of Legends all night, do you want to come along?" Hua Guyu thought that as a good student, Guo Zhi would say many reasons in life to prevent this declining behavior, who would have thought Guo Zhi nodded, "I'm coming." Look at the surprised Hua Guyu, Guo Zhi continued seriously, "I want to see how people like you are destroying youth."

"Your serious face makes me blush."

Guo Zhi wants to know if there is good material in the internet cafe, and he will go there with Hua Guyu. He stood outside and stopped, staring at the sign of the internet cafe shining in the darkness, the words of his father came to mind.

"Guo Zhi, you shouldn't be like other bad students who like to go to internet cafes."

"Guo Zhi, don't be addicted to the game."

"Guo Zhi, don't be a fool."

"Guo Zhi, don't …"

Guo Yunyong restrains Guo Zhi's childhood, his mind, his body, his feelings. Guo Zhi is like a frog at the bottom of a well, and lives a silly and boring life, Guo Yunyong thinks that he will be proud of these obstacles. He will be like himself, but he will not be able to anticipate the presence of Shi Xi who only needs to stand in front of Guo Zhi and all the restraints will break easily.

Shi Xi doesn't let go immediately but asks him to break away.

Actually, he went to an internet cafe not to break his father's rules. This is to enjoy the game, not to learn nothing, thought Guo Zhi.

He went inside. Dim light and screen lights shined everywhere. Their postures were similar, sitting bent, serious expressions staring at the flickering screen. Their fingers move fast, and sometimes unconsciously swear.

Guo Zhi sat next to Hua Guyu, carefully watching the people around him. Seeing the game where Guo Zhi's character stood motionless, Hua Guyu commented, "What are you doing? You also have to move."

Guo Zhi raised his foot, still focusing on the internet cafes, made Hua Guyu shout, "I said your Dodo character is not you who moves! What's the point of you coming here if you don't play?"

"I came here to help Shi Xi find material."

"YES! Is this some form of your love?"

"Ah of course, Shi Xi is my love." Guo Zhi raised his voice volume, Hua Guyu immediately covered his mouth. He glanced at his dorm friends who were playing in their front tables, making sure no one was listening, he turned to whisper to Guo Zhi, "Don't be so loud, they can hear you."

"Why?"

"Don't you realize it? Don't trust anyone, don't think everyone can accept it, when Shi Xi is gone, you need to know how to protect yourself. Those who talk to you kindly will change after you tell it. Do you really ready to get hurt? Guo Zhi, it's your fault for saying everything without hesitation. Too naive is your fault. In fact, many people in this world are eagerly waiting to hurt you and your feelings."

This is not the first time Guo Zhi has heard of such things, before Cui Chenglong also said something similar, and his father also said it himself. Embarrassing feelings leave scars on yourself, but Guo Zhi still does not understand why, Shi Xi said that there is nothing wrong with this, and Guo Zhi does not feel that he is shameful. Why can't he say it?

Guo Zhi was silent, lowered his head and fiddled with the camera, and sent photos to Shi Xi. The next instant his cell phone rang, and Guo Zhi happily picked it up, "Shi Xi, have you seen the photo? How? Can it be used as your material?"

Shi Xi did not respond to Guo Zi's question. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the internet ca …" He hadn't finished it yet. Hua Guyu closed his mouth and whispered, "Listen to me, you don't say anything!"

A cold tone from across the phone came back, "Guo Zhi, do you know what time it is?"

Very frightening, Hua Guyu took off his hand and whispered again, "Quickly lie, say you're in the room."

"But I can't lie to Shi Xi."

"What did you discuss? Tell me, what time is it?"

"Half past two." Guo Zhi replied swallowing.

"What did you do until half past two?" This question made Hua Guyu and Shi Xi look at each other in cold sweat. Guo Zhi was sure they were not stupid, he could hear the question in a frightening tone of voice. Because Guo Zhi couldn't lie to Shi Xi so he immediately hung up and threw his cellphone on the computer desk. Guo Zhi still looks at the cellphone with anxiety mixed with fear.

"Why did you send him a photo?"

"I didn't think long when sending it."

After ten minutes, both of them tried to forget Shi Xi's frightening tone on the phone earlier. The atmosphere was so calm that the two of them suddenly felt something from behind their backs, icy stares. Guo Zhi looked back, his tone cheerfully, "Shi Xi!" As soon as he saw the look on Shi Xi's face, he lowered the volume of his voice, "Shi Xi!"

Hua Guyu stood up and immediately defended himself. "I didn't bring him here. I advised him that it wasn't safe to be out at night. Don't come out. He just wants to follow me. I've refused a thousand times."

"Hua er, obviously you invited me. Ah, you said you wanted to play League of Legends outside." Guo Zhi didn't blame Hua Guyu, he only told the truth.

"He's lying! He's lying!"

Shi Xi only watched the two of them not speak. After a while, Shi Xi finally said, "You stay here or come with me." Then he turned and walked outside the internet cafe. Guo Zhi followed behind.

When they came out, the night sky covered both of them. Shi Xi walked in front, Guo Zhi behind the voice, "I just want to help you find material."

"Help me? You just went to an internet cafe, what are you going to do next? Go to a strange place to look for material? This world isn't what you think it is. This world has made you close your eyes. Do you think you will not ever have an accident? Do you think the world is safe? Do you think living in this world is that happy? "

Shi Xi tone no emotions, but hearing his explanation makes Guo Zhi's chest tight. He bit his lower lip and said softly after a long silence. "It's not the world that covers my eyes, it's you, Shi Xi. I always felt that as long as you were there, I would never have an accident. If you were there, I would be safe. If you were there, I felt happy." These are actually stupid ideas and thoughts, but Guo Zhi is already stupid.

Shi Xi stopped. He sighed. "Guo Zhi, what should I do with you?"

"I know that I have many shortcomings. I always say something without thinking. I am always naive, I always do something that makes you worry. Are you going to hate me?" Guo Zhi is a little nervous.

Shi Xi turns around and stands in front of Guo Zhi, his slender fingers move to stroke Guo Zhi's hair, making Guo Zhi unable to see Shi Xi's expression but he can feel Shi Xi's approaching breath, his voice sounds like an opiate shaking Guo Zhi's heart. "I don't even care with your gender, how can I care about your shortcomings? "


27. There's no end to like you

The sun is shining warmly filling the sky, the city and the whole campus. After going to the canteen to eat meal, Guo Ruojie sat on a bench near the lake, lying lazily with a very unsightly posture, legs wide open, despite seizing the attention of passersby, her legs still wide open. Guo Zhi, who had just finished playing basketball, wanted to stop by at the cafeteria to see Guo Ruojie. "Cousin, why are you opening your legs wide like someone wants a lover?" He asked.

Guo Ruojie glared, "You blatantly mock me. No need to beat around the bush. I like it. Who say women should cover their legs?"

Guo Zhi sat by the empty bench, patting the basketball on the ground with his feet. "Cousin, you're right. Who said women should cover their legs?! Who said a man should only like women?" Guo Zhi added the sentence arbitrarily. Guo Ruojie opened his eyes, then sat looking at Guo Zhi who seemed to have said that on purpose. Guo Zhi wants to know the reaction of his cousin. He always felt Guo Ruojie could accept him differently so he took the risk.

Guo Ruojie leaned on the bench, "Guo Zhi!"

"Yes?" Guo Zhi stopped the basketball on his feet, waiting for the next sentence.

"Do you cry when your hole stabbed?"

"Cousin, you are not a serious woman!"

Guo Ruojie stretched her body lazily, "I'm not interfering whether you like men or women. It's your own business. I think the good or bad of other people's reactions can't affect your happiness right?!"

"It can't be, because it makes me feel better in this world."

"You already think this is a good world." Guo Ruojie lay down again, supporting his head with his hands.

Shi Xi appears in Guo Zhi's eyes, his eyes following Shi Xi's on-going movements. Guo Zhi did not consciously squint. Either because of the sun's glare, or because of seeing Shi Xi. "Even more beautiful." He was still focusing on Shi Xi. Guo Ruojie followed the direction of his gaze and looked at Shi Xi, her heart was too lazy to beating. Guo Zhi suddenly stood up, "Cousin, I'm leaving."

*Its because Shi Xi is no longer wearing a hat so his handsome face is displayed, but it doesn't affect Guo Ruojie, her heart is too lazy to beat, lol.*

With holding the basketball, Guo Zhi ran over, calling Shi Xi.

Shi Xi stops, waiting for him.

"Shi Xi, I invite you to eat!"

"Why? Thanking me for stabbing your hole?"

This is the second time Guo Zhi has heard that word today. Guo Zhi was displeased with the harsh sentence. He complained, "What's that? I'm not a beehive. Can't you use words in a civilized way, like physical relationships in bed."

"Well, your words are very civilized."

"Are you mocking me?"

"You heard it."

They walked to the canteen. Guo Zhi walks while bouncing the ball, he continues to talk to Shi Xi, but his line of sight does not leave the basketball up and down. They passed other students. Some girls will occasionally see Shi Xi, but Shi Xi didn't care.

Guo Zhi glances at Shi Xi, his handsome face being hidden is now known to everyone. What kind of this suddenly wants to monopolize feels? His father didn't teach him like this. His father said that the things he liked had to be shared, had that feeling made him worse? Guo Zhi was worried, he didn't want to be bad, but he didn't want to share Shi Xi.

Arriving at the cafeteria, Guo Zhi sat in front of Shi Xi. He asked seriously, "I'm very bad right?"

"For example?"

"Like, I don't wash my hands when I eat now." Guo Zhi showed his dirty hands and then continued, "Like, when a girl is watching you, I feel like I don't want to share you." Guo Zhi said as if this was a serious matter.

"Not bad, but stupid."

Guo Zhi flattened his lips, stepped his feet on the basketball, played it back and forth. Shi Xi doesn't eat too much, when he can't write something, his mind will go blank. This kind of feel cannot be filled with food. Guo Zhi who was eating saw the food in Shi Xi's bowl. "You're a great man, saving food for the country!"

"Your excessive praise sounds very harsh." Shi Xi leaned back in his chair, his hands inserted into his trousers, watching Guo Zhi eat.

Guo Zhi with a mouthful of vegetables commented, "Don't look at me eating, you can see the canteen aunt, you can also see the flowers there, or see the view outside." It was very difficult for him to swallow because of Shi Xi's gazed.

Shi Xi still maintains his focus on Guo Zhi. "What does that have to do with me? Why should I see them?"

Hearing that, Guo Zhi's heart pounded and a red blush spread down his cheeks. He pretended as if nothing had happened, scooped up his rice with chopsticks but couldn't hide the hope in his face, "So what's the relationship between you and me?"

Guo Zhi's feelings printed clearly on his face and Shi Xi's expression remained flat, no emotions. He responded slowly, "Do you want me to confess now?"

Guo Zhi stabbed chopsticks into his rice bowl, frowning. "I am devastated even with a series of boasting words!"

Shi Xi reaches for the chopsticks, takes the vegetables in front of him and puts them in his mouth. "Don't waste my time, hurry up and eat."
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After finished eating, both of them went to their respective classes downstairs, Guo Zhi continued to bounce the ball with full force. "Real love is very bad." When the ball bounces, Shi Xi reaches out and takes over the basketball, reflecting it while continuing, "How well do you want love? That will make you selfish, greedy, jealous, love is like that."

Shi Xi is right, when you love someone, you will be selfish only for your own good, you will be greedy for all love, jealousy is closer to you than himself. Because you like him, you have this emotion.

"So, I'm going to be bad because I like you so much?" Guo Zhi nodded as if understanding.

"Do you want to die?"

"I don't want to hold back! You mean I can't say that I like you? But I only like you, if I don't tell you, who should I tell?"

"Shut up!"

"But even I keep silent, I still like you, what should I do?" Guo Zhi asked a strange question.

"All you need to do, don't say that!" Shi Xi refused to lose enthusiasm.

"Don't say that, if you don't know how much I like you, what should I do?"

"You deliberately this time."

"I was caught." Guo Zhi grinned.

Until the floor below, they separated. Less than two steps, both stop. Shi Xi turns around, he throws the basketball in his hand, and Guo Zhi catches it, hugging the basketball tightly, touching his chest. Both are separated by a small distance. The corner of Guo Zhi's lips curved, and his dimpled seen. He looked at Shi Xi three seconds later and said, "I guess this time, I didn't say it." After that, he turned and ran.

"Idiot."
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Love is really bad, and there is no end: I like you.