Nov 19, 2019

17. No need to be shy.

At night, Guo Zhi slept soundly. His head was on the pillow and his eyelids were damp from the wet eyelashes. His breathing felt heavy after crying. Shi Xi sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Guo Zhi, until he was sure that Guo Zhi had fallen asleep, he came out of the room and closed the door slowly.

The next day, Guo Zhi woke up with red and swollen eyes that were difficult to open. He pushed aside the blanket and stepped on the floor.

How about this? He likes Shi Xi and clearly Shi Xi doesn't like him because Shi Xi doesn't seem to be different. But he did not feel lost because even though Shi Xi already knew but he did not hate him.

Guo Zhi is not complicated. This is enough to make him relieved.

He realized that it would take time to assemble and accept the fact that he likes men.

He did not want to run away again.

Guo Zhi got up from the bed and stretched his muscles. His ability to recover like an animal. After bathing, Guo Zhi knocked on Shi Xi's room door.

When the door opened, Shi Xi's brows furrowed at the smile of Guo Zhi and his swollen eyes. Incorrect combination. He dropped his body back to the bed, continued his sleep.

Aware of the situation, Guo Zhi closed the door slowly then sat by the window while looking at Shi Xi's figure, he stretched his legs, typed a few words on the laptop then grabbed a piece of paper near him, opened the lid of the pen and began correcting the wrong word.

Last night, Shi Xi stared at sleeping Guo Zhi.

This morning, Guo Zhi saw Shi Xi sleeping.

After a while, Shi Xi woke up. Guo Zhi happily said, "Where are we going today? Or just here?"

Shi Xi looks at Guo Zhi who looks happy.  He thought Guo Zhi would be depressed and kept crying but it seemed Guo Zhi was stronger than he had imagined.

Shi Xi doesn't respond. He went to the bathroom to clean himself after that he went out to open the door of the room, "Let's go!"


Both of them went down to the second floor. Guo Zhi's appearance made many people look in their direction. Not surprisingly, his eyes were like two blows by the Shaolin Temple abbot.

Shi Xi bought a local travel brochure. Their first destination is an ancient city. Narrow and curved alleys filled with people. On both sides there are small shops that sell snacks and handicrafts. Some of them stood outside and dressed strangely. Guo Zhi curiously paid attention, his hand was full of snacks.

"Shi Xi, look over there!"

"Shi Xi, look over here!"

Guo Zhi always screamed every time he saw something interesting, making Shi Xi unable to hiss. "It's enough for you to see. Don't need to call me."

"But I want to call you."

Guo Zhi chose a strange costume in a shop and compared it. "Shi Xi, what do you think of this color?"

"It really suits your swollen eyes."

"I didn't ask about that." Guo Zhi flattened his lips. His red eyes hurt.

Suddenly something covered his head.  Guo Zhi looked up to realize that he was wearing a hat that despite its strange shape, but the handle of the hat covered the light and protected his red eyes.

Shi Xi bought this hat, although it's ridiculous to wear on Guo Zhi's head, but it makes Guo Zhi look like a baby.

They continued their journey through the ancient city.

There is a small stall in front, with a BB bomb in the booth, a small balloon behind it, and a bloody red character hanging next to it: break twenty balloons to get a doll, break ten ...

Guo Zhi was interested, he paid and raised his bow to start playing but because of his swollen eyes, Guo Zhi's power to focus on the target dropped dramatically. The first arrow shot and the balloon did not break.  Instead the fat seller who stood not far clenched his lower body, grimaced. "Brother, your goal is to break a balloon to get a gift, not to break my egg." The seller tried to curse in a joking tone. However the customer must be treated well.

"Sorry Sorry." Guo Zhi's response was fast.

"Idiot." Shi Xi said coldly beside him.

Guo Zhi continued playing. The seller who was aware of the situation rushed away.  After 20 archery was finished, the seller raised his thumb. "Great, didn't solve one. Try again."

Guo Zhi stared resignedly at the present on the table then shook his head. Shi Xi switches to take a new archery, lifting it while closing one eye. Guo Zhi watched him, this person even took this ordinary action, like a movie scene, Shi Xi slightly raises the edge, and the arrow manages to break the balloon. The seller grimaced not only because of the eggs but also his wallet.

Guo Zhi beside him reacted like a friendly audience and continued to provide rhetorical effects.





"Shut up!" Shi Xi said.

Guo Zhi no longer spoke until twenty archery shot and all the balloons burst. He clapped his hands so hard that his hands went numb.

The seller is still smiling. "Solve twenty, you can choose the doll above." He pointed at a large doll but Guo Zhi pointed note book at the corner. "I want that one."

The seller reluctantly said, "But this ..."

"No problem. I want that one." Interrupted Guo Zhi.

After receiving the note book and putting it in his backpack, Guo Zhi looked at Shi Xi. "You need paper later."

"Your life is that useful?"

"Yes, I am the secretary of your life."

"I don't pay."

"It's okay. I'm free."

Seeing Guo Zhi's innocence made Shi Xi coudn't help but tease him, "Including your body?"

Guo Zhi thought for a moment, "Must pay. But for you I give a 50% discount." the response is serious.

"But I don't want to give you money."

"I even got a half discount! It's so cruel. It hurts."

"Do you know?" Even people who haven't seen it know this.

"You think I'm an idiot? Give my body and then you will hit me to vent your emotions. Of course it will hurt." This is not the same thing that the two of them talked about.

"What an idiot." Shi Xi started walking, Guo Zhi followed him, "Why are you suddenly scolding me?"

Returning from the ancient city, Guo Zhi carried a bag full of groceries. Its contents collide with each other causing noise.

Both of them boarded a crowded bus. Guo Zhi's hat fell because it was crammed.  With full hands, he picked up his hat.

"Actually taking off the hat can reduce your silly behavior."

"Don't wanna."

Brakes suddenly made Guo Zhi who was not ready almost fell and crashed into a middle-aged woman but his arm was captured by Shi Xi.

Guo Zhi removed his bag, "Let me hold on." Before he could touch the handle, his body was pushed by a group of new passengers. Shi Xi holds his arm back then holds his palm, not intending to let go.

Their fingers interlocked. Guo Zhi's face turned red, he lowered his head. His body and brain were only aimed at his hands.  He was clearly beating even in a crowd like this.

"No need to be shy of this small thing." Shi Xi said suddenly.

"I don't." Guo Zhi ruined his face.

Shi Xi reached the tip of Guo Zhi's hat then pressed downward tightly to cover the blush face.


16. Can this special love have a good side? ( Part 3 )

Guo Zhi lay on the bed with a blanket wrapped around him. His eyes closed, his forehead furrowed. His bruises are inflamed followed by a high fever.

He had a bad dream. Many bad things happen in his dream. He was laughed at by everyone. He was mocked as a disgusting person. The people grabbed the rattan and ganged up on him. Guo Zhi cried, screaming in pain, asking the people to stop but no one cared. Nobody thought about his feelings. In their eyes Guo Zhi is so disgusting. They just want him to disappear. Wherever he will run away, he won't be able to escape. Where he can be free? This is their world  A world that doesn't provide a place for people like him.

God, why did you make a difference that would only make this suffer? Which will only make him feel disgusting?

Guo Zhi woke up from his nightmare which was greeted with pain from his body. He looked at the ceiling. He realized that even though he woke up, the dream wouldn't stop watching him.

Is this how you feel lonely because you are different from others? It feels like everyone is estranged. Why isn't someone else like him? Why only himself? Is there anyone out there who is the same as him?

Zhou Hui was anxiously taking painkillers and reducing fever. "Guo Zhi, how are you? Don't make me worry."

"Don't worry, mom. I feel better." Guo Zhi smiled.

"How not to worry? Your father is too harsh on you." Zhou Hui couldn't help complaining. "Even though I don't understand your father's attitude, you're our only child. We don't want you to fall into the wrong things."

"I know."

"Forget that. You're too young so you don't understand what you're saying. When you get older, you will understand why your father is so angry."

"Fine, I'll forget everything." Guo Zhi promised seriously to Zhou Hui.

Guo Yunyong was also very worried, but he just stood in front of the door, refraining from entering. He thought it was a punishment that Guo Zhi deserved. He hopes his son realizes his mistake.

After a week of lying in bed, Guo Zhi finally returned to school. He seemed unchanged from the usual. He only hid the bruises on his body. Hiding himself who differed greatly in his heart. Untouched.

At the moment Guo Zhi sees his reflection. Tears welled up. Something hidden inside him will always be in his body. He took off his clothes and a bad scar is now visible.

Did he make a mistake again? Does he likes Shi Xi? Does he still likes men? The scar on his body feels a little pain. Will Shi Xi react like his parents? Will Shi Xi hate him?

So many complicated things. Mom, he has gotten bigger now but still doesn't understand all this.

He shouldn't have come here if he knew this would happen.

He shouldn't take off Shi Xi's hat, shouldn't know Shi Xi, shouldn't be nice to him but he does. Because that person is Shi Xi.

With trembling fingers Guo Zhi touched his scar. This is wrong. He had promised his parents that it was a mistake. Maybe he already realized but didn't dare to think about it. One error occurred again.

He is a man, has the same body as Shi Xi.  The reason is simple but that is the biggest obstacle.

Suddenly Shi Xi appears in the mirror, stands on the doorstep and looks at him silently. Shi Xi is no longer wearing a hat, his handsome face is in the same reflection as his bad scar. Guo Zhi scooped up his shirt and covered the scar while shaking his head strongly. "Don't look. Don't look at me."

Guo Zhi wants to run away. He did not want Shi Xi to see it. He had already known the reaction of his parents. What if Shi Xi reacts the same? What should he do?

Shi Xi doesn't talk. His feet moved forward. Guo Zhi stepped back still crying.  He did not think his tears continued to flow since earlier. "Sorry. I shouldn't have slapped you. I shouldn't have liked you. I'm sorry, Shi Xi. I'm gay. Really. I'm sorry."

Guo Zhi retreated until there was no room to move, Shi Xi approached, reaching for his chin forcing Guo Zhi's eyes to look at him. Interrupted Guo Zhi who still continued to coldly apologize. "Shut up."

Guo Zhi no longer speaks. He has fallen into Shi Xi's trap. If he falls, he will die, his rhythmic voice beautiful. Listen to the sentence that made him rise again. "Guo Zhi, there shouldn't be an apology for liking anything."

"Even if I like you?"

"Even if you like me."

"It's not like this. You won't understand. This scar is to make me forget that I like men. But I ..." Guo Zhi sobbed, unable to continue his sentence.

Shi Xi removes Guo Zhi's hand from covering his scar with clothes. His other hand stroked along the scar line. He gently said, "This scar won't make you forget. It will only make you keep remembering it."

"Now you know, Shi Xi. Are you going to hate me like everyone else?" Guo Zhi crouched down still crying. Save the tip of his fingers.


"Don't lie to me. My dad says I'm so embarrassing. I'm disgusting. So you hate me too right?"


"I can't believe it. You're just trying to cheer me up."

"I don't need to cheer you up."

"Can you prove it? Smile."

"It is impossible."

"Then you hate me, right?" Guo Zhi tried to hold back his tears but the tears kept flowing.

Shi Xhi suddenly squatted down and then held Guo Zhi's hand. Shi Xi brought his face close so his lips gently touched Guo Zhi's lips.

This summer, the temperature given by Shi Xi feels comfortable. Guo Zhi widened his eyes, his crying stopped. His heart feels warm. So warm.

Shi Xi stands up again, looking at Guo Zhi. "Can this be proof?"

If he knows who he is, don't say a word.

Can this special love have a good side? Yes, now.