Nov 11, 2019

11. This world is not a big thing

Time cannot be held. It flows quickly when people cry, laugh, sleep, and when they complain that youth is long, they are old in the blink of an eye.

Three days before the college entrance exam arrived, the students gradually panicked. It seems that there are still many questions that are not remembered and understood; some things that hurt themselves, think about how much they can measure their abilities. Guo Zhi has packed his things in class. He wears a backpack on his back and two large bags for him and his roommate, Cui Chenglong.

When Guo Zhi left the classroom, he ran into Shi Xi. Guo Zhi smiled happily like a child who saw candy. "Shi Xi."

Shi Xi sees two large bags in the hands of Guo Zhi. "You're going to west?!"

"If you want to go, of course you have to pack. Do you need my help to pack your book?"

"No, it's been sold for disposal."

"What ?! These books should be collected well. Isn't it better to be used as a high school memory?!"

"No need." Shi Xi walked towards the stairs, Guo Zhi followed behind him while struggling with the burden in both hands.  "No problem. You don't have to help me. I can carry it myself." The man has no intention of helping you. Guo Zhi's forehead was sweating. Shi Xi took over the big bag, Guo Zhi happily preparing to say praise, "Don't say anything." Interrupted Shi Xi.

"I want to compliment you."

"I don't want your compliment."

Shi Xi drags the bag down the stairs, the book inside collides with each step and makes a sound. Guo Zhi did not stop to blabbering how the book should be appreciated while watching his footsteps walking up the stairs. They walked out of this boring school building, the sun shining on Guo Zhi's face, he narrowed his eyes.  His mouth gave a happy smile. "I finally graduated."

Shi Xi avoids the sun. He doesn't have any feelings about graduation. This is the repetitive life that everyone will experience, study, graduate, relearn, graduate, work, and live.

They parted in front of Guo Zhi's room downstairs. Guo Zhi wants to say something but Shi Xi has left. Cui Chenglong had taken out his belongings in the bedroom, his parents would pick them up and take Guo Zhi home.

Cui Chenglong stood next to Guo Zhi who was still staring at the school gate.  "You're not missing this broken school, are you?"

"I like this school, but there are still things I miss more."

"What?" Cui Chenglong asked lightly.

"Male student." Guo Zhi's answer frightened Cui Chenglong to almost piss his pants. He looked at Guo Zhi in shock.  "You, what are you saying?"

"I said I miss male students more than this school." Guo Zhi repeated his intention.

"Guo Zhi, do you know what you just said?"

"No." Guo Zhi answered honestly.

"Then don't say it! Luckily, I understand your character. If you say such misunderstanding out there, you will be seen by other people with strange eyes."


Cui Chenglong's family's car arrived, he said quietly. "There is no reason why many things in this world cannot be explained. With your character, you will be injured in the future, Guo Zhi. As a roommate for three years, I will give you a solution, find someone to protect you."

"But I don't need to be protected by others, I want to protect."

Cui Chenglong glanced, "You? Protect?"

"You look down on me."

Chenglong's father opened the trunk.  "Move your things. Guo Zhi, long time no see."

"Hello uncle." Guo Zhi replied politely.

They took Guo Zhi home, and Guo Yunyong was waiting on the downstairs.  The two fathers shook hands and offered cigarettes. Guo Yunyong glanced at Guo Zhi. "Have you thanked uncle?"

"He already did. Guo Zhi is a very obedient child. This is all because of your upbringing. My son won't want to do it."

Praised like that, Guo Yunyong could not hide his pride, he waved his hand. "He still needs to be educated to be more disciplined. Children today cannot be ignored." The two fathers talked for a while then separated. Guo Zhi brought in his luggage, looked at his suitcase and suddenly said, "Dad, I forgot something important. I will go back to school."

"Didn't I already remind you to be careful? You're so careless. If you can't pass the entrance exam later how can I boast about you, I can't lose face." Guo Yunyong began to teach serious things, Guo Zhi just kept quiet and waited until it was finished. Guo Yunyong waved his hand. "Go. Be careful on the way."


Guo Zhi has returned. What exactly is that important thing? Until he survived receiving his father's scolding, he could ride the bus again without feeling tired. Of course, Shi Xi.

Guo Zhi arrives at Shi Xi's apartment and is worried that the man has left. He knocked on the door.  "Shi Xi, are you there?"

Guo Zhi doesn't know whether Shi Xi will go to university, he doesn't even know whether Shi Xi will take the university entrance exam. Shi Xi wouldn't care about a graduation certificate if he left like this, Guo Zhi finally knocked loudly on the door, "Shi Xi Shi Xi Shi Xi!"

No answer.

Guo Zhi remembers film footage. They often lunged at the door with their sides to open the door. Guo Zhi also learned from films. He took two steps back and crashed into the door. As a result, the door remained open, and Guo Zhi's arm became numb. He frowned at the pain while touching his hand.

"What are you doing, idiot?" Shi Xi's voice from behind made Guo Zhi startled and turned away. Seeing the figure in front of him, Guo Zhi's numbness slowly healed and his heart returned to the right position. "Shi Xi!" His voice mixed with dominant happiness.

Shi Xi opens the door. Guo Zhi broke in and saw the things that were not yet packed. "You're not coming home?"

"There's no need. It's the same everywhere."

"Aren't your parents worried?"

Shi Xi opened the laptop, his expression did not change. "They don't exist."

Guo Zhi looked at Shi Xi's beautiful neck.  He could not think. He didn't know why he did it, but he wanted to.  Guo Zhi hurried over to Shi Xi. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I don't know if your parents are dead."

Shi Xi gritted his teeth. "I said they were not at home, not dead."

Guo Zhi became embarrassed. He was like a child who was caught making mistakes.  His common sense returned. His face contorted, "I, I." Guo Zhi was overcome with regret, he hurriedly dropped his body on Shi Xi's bed. "I really said that. Just kill me." This is not too serious.

Shi Xi sees Guo Zhi lying on his bed.  "You're only here to show how idiotic you are?"

"Ah, right." Guo Zhi sat down. "I want your contact number."

"No need."

Guo Zhi dropped his body again and buried his face in a blanket. "I just made you angry so you don't want to give it. But I didn't mean to make you angry." Sounds like you're frowning.

"There is no telephone number."

"Lies. Find a better reason for rejection."  Guo Zhi does not believe.

"Guo Zhi, I want to hit you now."

"You didn't give me your contact number and you wanted to hit me. You're not human." Guo Zhi who is praised as a polite child changes emotions while lying in someone else's bed shamelessly is the Guo Zhi that Guo Yunyong spent years educating him with strict knowledge and regulations. Bruh!

"The last time I saw you, you watched the anime on your cellphone."

"I said I don't have a number, not a cellphone."

"You don't have a card? What if someone want to see you?"

"Nobody will see me." Shi Xi said lightly.  Guo Zhi got up from the bed. "But now, I will see you."

"I don't need anyone else."

"I'm not someone else, I'm Guo Zhi."

Guo Zhi went to the side of the window and opened the curtain making the sunlight burst in half the room. Stacks of books and DVDs in various colors in a corner of the room in the warm sunlight.  Guo Zhi looked out the window. "Actually, Shi Xi, this world is not a big thing. Covered in sunlight, reading books, buying something you like, eating something you like, people living happily, there will be no loss."
Light singing from the barbershop was heard playing softly from outside the window.

Shi Xi sits in the shadows with his back facing Guo Zhi.

Music flows between the two.


10. Matching pair

Hua Guyu's sudden question was shocking, it did not occur to Shi Xi's answer to be more shocking. He lightly opened his mouth, "I know." It turns out that only Guo Zhi is not aware of himself.

"Then you?"  Hua Guyu often saw the two of them together, he could see Guo Zhi's feelings only from his eyes. Guo Zhi is a very legible person, his feelings are piled on his face. Hua Guyu thought that their feelings were so slow that they drained emotions. It turns out that Shi Xi has realized Guo Zhi's feelings but pretends not to know.

The bell starts to ring, students rush back into the classroom. Shi Xi's voice mixed with the ringing of the bell, and in this way was easily identified. He goes to the classroom, without looking, leaving a realistic answer, "Liking this superficial thing, usually starts from the appearance.  If I don't have this face, will he like me?"

Hua Guyu didn't expect Shi Xi to answer like this, in his perception, realizing and knowing that there were male student who liked him, there were only three types of reactions: disgust, rejection and acceptance. But often the scale of the first reaction calculated is very high, the second reaction is because it doesn't like the person, and the possibility of the third reaction is very rare when compared to the first point.

"Because he's a boy?" Hua Guyu asked.

Shi Xi turned around this time, his expression could not be seen. "I don't look at gender. I look at feelings."

Hua Guyu froze. There is no emotion in Shi Xi. His pupils look at the natural side of humans, do not accept and do not fight, only pay attention, do not take steps into the abyss of feeling.

And Guo Zhi has too much emotion, his innocent eyes can only see beauty, all in his grasp, he smiles and enjoys it with feeling.

They both are a matching pair.


Guo Zhi's mouth twitched, began to memorize mathematical formulas, he did not realize he had forgotten something.  Like the formula that should have existed in his mind, but instead he thought of Shi Xi who was really good, nothing could be better than Shi Xi.

Even though they are under the same night sky, they are bounded by walls, bounded by rows of desks, bounded by other students, bounded by secularism, bounded by many things. Even if Guo Zhi wants to get close, it's no longer possible to step.

When will this love be like ordinary love that is no longer special?

He entertained himself that day inevitably and at the same time, he also mocked himself.

God is not good, God will not satisfy everyone's desires.


At night. Guo Zhi who was lying on the bed suddenly sat up. "The university entrance exam will start soon, I can't think too much!" He patted his own cheeks, "Think of something better, quickly think of something better." Guo Zhi hypnotized himself, he fell back into bed while pulling a blanket over his head. He closed his eyes tightly and thought of good things.

Then in his mind, Shi Xi appeared. He is on the stairs taking Shi Xi's hat. He sat in class watching Shi Xi's appearance. He looked at Shi Xi from across the lake in a small park, everything about Shi Xi. His annoyance faded, but suddenly rushed to become more turbulent. Why like this?  This strange feeling, Guo Zhi could not explain, only thought that he was sick.


Guo Zhi can't sleep soundly all night. He entered the classroom with his panda eyes and immediately laid his head on the table.

"Very sleepy."

"What did you do last night?"

"Think of something." Hearing that, Wang Linlin averted her eyes from her book to look at Guo Zhi.

"What did you think?"

Guo Zhi raised his face and seriously asked, "Do you know, when I think of the past I feel quite happy, thinking about it now I feel upset, it feels depressed here."  Guo Zhi pointed to his own heart.

Wang Linlin nodded in understanding, holding her hand, "I've felt it. Every time the teacher says a day off, I feel very happy, but every time the teacher says it's time for the exam, I feel upset. My heart is also depressed. Don't worry, I've experienced it, those feelings will disappear with time." Wang Linlin patted Guo Zhi on the shoulder to share her experience. As if she was an experienced person.

"It turned out like that." Guo Zhi asked the wrong person, and got the wrong answer.  He mistakenly thought time could consume his sentiments. He did not know, that only Shi Xi could improve and consume his sentiments.

This was the first time Shi Xi had crossed the back door of Guo Zhi's class and saw Guo Zhi lying his head on the table.

He should not be disturbed, this is Guo Zhi's own business, his bad mood has nothing to do with him, Guo Zhi failing to enter the university is his own business.  Guo Zhi, this person never cares about his business, Shi Xi's business.

Night independent class, class atmosphere is very calm. Guo Zhi holds the book in his hand while thinking why Shi Xi didn't help him. Suddenly he felt a great force making him lean back. Shi Xi's hand pulled Guo Zhi's bench and dragged him out of the classroom.

Guo Zhi did not have time to react, Shi Xi looked down, holding out his right hand holding the left side of the bench. Guo Zhi looked up and could see Shi Xi's face clearly.

"Listen carefully, I have many short hobbies. Even though I leave everything behind, writing fiction is always stored in my life." Maybe other people can't understand Shi Xi's intentions, but Guo Zhi understands. Something left behind is not very liked, the remaining is the most preferred.

Guo Zhi nodded strongly. The sense of irritation quickly disappeared.

His eyes shined under orange light, his smile was stronger than orange light, his warm fingers caught Shi Xi's cold left hand, gripping tightly, "Shi Xi, I think one day I will become your fiction."

Shi Xi who was accustomed to being cold suddenly was invaded by the warmth of Guo Zhi, reflexing his body refused, he pulled his hand away, turned to leave. Guo Zhi stood up from the chair, rushed down the stairs to call Shi Xi, "See you, thank you. Shi Xi, you're always so kind."

Shi Xi quietly said, "Who is kind?" he asked himself.

Guo Zhi dragged his chair back into the classroom. As he passed the Hua Guyu row, he patted his head. "Hua er, study hard."

"Stupid, don't damage my hair!"

"It doesn't matter, even if your hair is a mess, you're still so handsome."

Hearing that praise, Hua Guyu rolled his eyes, "Looks like you've healed."

"I don't understand what you mean, I always like this."

Guo Zhi sat on his seat looked at Wang Linlin then suddenly said, "You look very beautiful today."

"Is it true?"  Wang Linlin immediately took out her mirror and looked in the mirror. She smiled. "Do you think Hua Guyu will like me?"

"Yes, everyone will like you."

Guo Zhi refocused on his book. He patted his cheek hard making his mind lighter.  It's time to study hard.

Shi Xi's indifference did bring Guo Zhi more enthusiastic.

Love is really bad, carrying all the emotions no one can escape, even if it is optimistic Guo Zhi.

Shi Xi who returns to the apartment and opens the door to the room, he stands in the dark suddenly raises his left hand.  There, came the warmth of Guo Zhi who still refused to leave, remaining in his left hand.

"I really shouldn't be bothered." Shi Xi closed the door.